


Light In The Darkness

by Demiwitchwoodwalker



Category: Love Simon (2018), Love Victor (TV 2020), Simonverse | Creekwood Series - Becky Albertalli
Genre: Angst, Bullying, Coming Out, Felix is a sweetheart, High School, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, M/M, Mia does too, Panic Attacks, Post-Season/Series 01, Protective Benji, and he deserves love, like a lot of it, not really a fix it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-30
Updated: 2020-06-30
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:47:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24978679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Demiwitchwoodwalker/pseuds/Demiwitchwoodwalker
Summary: Victor thought coming out would feel great, like a weight had lifted off his shoulders and chest and allowed him to finally breathe properly after years of not being able to, and it did. For a second. Then the looks on his parent’s faces, especially his dad’s, hit him and it felt like the ground had split open under him and he was falling, falling down into darkness, into fear and uncertainty.Post-Season 1, because I am now obsessed with this show, I need something to write besides my one other fic I’m actually working on, and that cliffhanger at the end really messed me up.
Relationships: Benjamin "Benji" Campbell/Victor Salazar, Bram Greenfeld/Simon Spier, Lake Meriwether/Felix Weston, Victor Salazar & Felix Weston
Comments: 8
Kudos: 77





	Light In The Darkness

**Author's Note:**

> So, I finished watching this show a couple days ago, and I loved it so much. So many of the things that happened just hurt on a personal sort of level and I just have ideas for what might come in the next season, though who knows when we’ll get that. Coming out to anyone, especially your parents, is one of the most stressful things ever, and before you do it, it’s so easy to think it’d be better to just wait, and wait. I know that from experience, and when you do finally tell them, even the smallest hint of not them accepting you, even a small sentence, or just an expression, can make everything feel like it’s falling apart. No matter why they did that, it stays with you forever, even if they make up for it.
> 
> Anyways, sorry for my little ramble, this show just... makes me remember things from when I first came out and that gets me all weird. 
> 
> On from that, here’s the (hopefully good) story!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I though I had written my shortest chapter ever in Unexpected Colors, but, well, this is pretty short for my first chapter. I'm sorry about that, though I hope it's good enough for you to enjoy!

“Mom, Dad... I’m gay.” Victor’s voice quivered slightly as he said the two words that he had wanted to say for longer than he wanted to admit to himself. A soft, slightly shaky, exhale brushed past his lips, and the tension that had been building up in his shoulders for weeks finally eased. The corners of his lips curled up slightly as warmth seemed to spread through him, like he had been out in the cold for hours and finally came inside to a warm, steaming cup of cocoa.

Everything he had seen, had heard from people, said that coming out felt like having a huge weight lifted off your shoulders and your chest, like you could finally just breathe again. For Victor it did too, for a moment at least. Then he saw the expressions on his parents’ faces, and suddenly the weight was back, crashing down on him like a wave and pulling him down underwater, into the darkness. Fear and sudden uncertainty caused his throat to close up and his breath to hitch, his head abruptly spinning slightly. He abruptly felt even worse than he had before he spoke, and it hurt how quickly his emotions changed.

Shock, disbelief, anger, and  _ disgust _ were all clear in his father’s eyes, and, though much dimmer and less strong, in his mother’s as well. Nobody in the room said a word for a long moment, the silence heavy and painful, crushing like an avalanche. Then, his mom, one of the only people in his life who had always been there for him, who he had always been there for, stood up and left the living room, walking through the kitchen to reach the hall.

The burning, stinging pressure behind Victor’s eyes that started the second he saw his parents’ immediate reaction to what he had told them seemed to increase tenfold when she left. He knew, deep down, that if it had been his father that stood up and left, it wouldn’t have hurt quite as much, because he expected something like that, after what he had said after Victor’s sixteenth birthday party. His mom was a completely different story however, she had always accepted every part of him, had never questioned anything he said about himself. Why would she suddenly change? Why could she now not only not look at him anymore, but couldn’t even be in the same room as him? 

“No.” Armando Salazar suddenly said, his dark eyes glinting with unconcealed anger as he looked up at his eldest son. “You are not...  _ that _ .”

Before Victor could even begin to open his mouth to say something in return, no matter how much his voice trembled, Pilar stood up from her seat in the armchair closest to the hallway and her older brother. She faced her father, fists clenched tightly at her sides, shaking ever so slightly, as if she were filled with some sort of energy. “Papi-“ Victor’s sister started, voice trembling, though with a different emotion than the one that would have made his tremble.

“Pilar, this is between Victor and I now. Go to your room.” The two teenagers’ father said sharply, his tone firm, his gaze never leaving his son. Pilar opened her mouth to protest, looking even angrier then she had before as she shook her head. Then Armando looked at her, his glare just as cold and angry as it had been when directed at Victor, and she shut her mouth just before he spoke again. “Go!”

For a few seconds she stayed rooted to the spot, glaring at her father with her hands still balled to tight fists at her sides. Then a tiny sigh escaped her and Pilar turned around, momentarily squeezing his hand with her own as she brushed past Victor to go to her room down the hall. He looked back after his younger sister for a moment, a tiny bit of the weight on his chest disappearing again. At least he had his sister’s acceptance, even if she hadn’t explicitly told him, her giving him any sort of physical comfort, even a brief squeeze of the hand, was enough proof of it.

“You are not…  _ gay _ . You’ve just been sp- “ Before his father could finish his sentence Victor turned back around to face him, anger bubbling up in him suddenly. It was the same feeling he had gotten when on his birthday he had been told to tell Benji and Derek they weren’t supposed to kiss in his apartment, except this time it was even more intense. Back then he hadn’t been the target of the words, even if they had affected him back then as well, but this time he was. This time he was the one being told he wasn’t what he was.

“I am! I’m gay! Nothing you say, or believe, will change that! I - “ Victor’s voice rose in volume, his tone defensive as he stepped from the entrance to the hallway into the living room, trembling ever so slightly. He couldn’t tell if he was shaking from anger, nerves, exhaustion, or just pain, but either way, his entire body shook with it. His father rose quickly to his feet, nearly bumping into the coffee table in front of him as he stepped around it towards him.

“No, Victor Salazar, you are not! I did not raise you that way! You’re confused, that’s all, and you’ll get over it! You’ve been hanging out with those boys from your party too much, they’re influencing you!” Victor resisted the urge to take a step back as his father got closer, looking angrier than the sixteen year old had ever seen him. Against his will tears stung at his eyes, nearly escaping as they blurred his vision. He had expected his dad to not be exactly accepting, but he hadn’t expected to be yelled at, and he most certainly hadn’t thought his father would make him feel scared. He had always been a source of comfort for Victor, someone who kept him safe from bad things, but now he was one of the bad things, and all feelings of comfort and safety were gone, as if blown away in the wind.

“I’m not confused, I have been for a long, long time, and now, for the first time in years, I’m not. I know who I am.” Victor’s voice quivered slightly as he said those words, knowing that his father would only grow angrier at being contradicted, but also somehow not being able to bring himself to really care. What he said was the truth, and he was done lying so that other people didn’t get angry or upset. He had done that way too much lately, and in the end it only hurt more people.

“You are confused, and you’re not thinking. If you can’t realize that, then you can leave this house, get away from our family, until you can.” Victor’s mouth involuntarily dropped open, his dark brown eyes widening in horror, sudden anguish, and shock. His dad was kicking him out? “Get out.” Those two words, laced with something more than anger, more than disappointment, were all it took to get the sixteen year old to turn and stumble towards the door of the apartment they lived in. His hands shook so much that it took him five times as long as usual to turn the doorknob and get out into the entrance stairwell.

Victor half expected to hear his father’s voice calling after him as he almost fell down the stairs, telling him to come back to the apartment, that he hadn’t meant what he said. Nobody told him to come back though, not his mother, not his sister, not his father, nobody, and by the time he reached the bottom step, the tears that had been welling up in his eyes finally began rolling down his cheeks. His throat felt raw and scratchy, like he had been screaming for hours, even though he hadn’t once, and even though the fresh spring night air usually soothed something like that, it just made it feel worse.

His breaths came out as gasps, and no matter how many he tried to take they just wouldn’t calm down, nor would his racing heart that felt as if it might burst in his chest. Victor’s knees gave out under him around the middle of the stone staircase leading down from the apartment building to the road and he collapsed, burying his face in his hand as burning tears streamed down his face. Everything felt like it was pressing down on him, even the air, and he just couldn’t breathe. Some distant part of his mind told him he was having a panic attack, but in that moment he couldn’t remember how you were supposed to handle one and get it to pass. The world felt like it was spinning around him, like he was stuck in place as everything else warped and changed, leaving him with jumbled thoughts, weak limbs and just so out of breath that it felt like he was drowning, without anything to grab hold of to pull himself to safety. Why did everything feel like it was falling out from under him, even though he could feel the cold, almost damp, stone beneath him through his dress pants?

Victor didn’t know how long he sat there, curled up as he gasped for breath, tears trekking down his face despite his desperate attempts to dry them with his trembling hands, but eventually he heard a car door slamming shut near him. Momentarily he felt such surprise and over all shock that he inhaled sharply, his gasping breaths halting for a brief second. It didn’t last long, however, and before Victor could see who got out of the car he was overwhelmed again, unable to breathe. Obviously whoever owned the car didn’t live in the same building as the sixteen year old did, or at least had until that night, for no footsteps neared him, and no voice spoke.

After a few more long moments a soft, consistent vibration coming from his pocket pulled him out of his panic enough to fumble around until he managed to pull his phone out. The small device almost slipped from Victor’s numb, trembling hands and it took him a good five seconds to clear his vision enough to make out the name at the top of the screen.  _ Felix _ .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so, when I get in big trouble, or my parents are super angry with me, they call me by my full name, and i wanted that in here, the only issue is, I don't have a clue what Victor's middle name is, so it sounds kind of stupid only using his first and last, kind of not as stern to me, but that may just be the way I grew up, so whatever... I hope ya'll enjoyed this chapter, and I apologize for any Spanish that I mess up later on in this, I'm fluent in English and German and speak a decent amount of French, but I only know some Spanish from shows, my mom, books and other fics... so... most of this I don't really know, and Google Translate is unreliable in my opinion so I'm sorry if certain things aren't correct...


End file.
